Writing grief in fiction

Grief is a universal emotion. Everyone experiences grief at some point in their life, and therefore it makes sense that many works of fiction explore the topic of grief. But how does one go about writing grief in fiction? Regardless of if it’s part of your character’s backstory or if they experience a devastating loss on-page, grief shapes who you are and can dramatically alter their behavior. So let’s explore how to write grief in fiction.

Know that grief looks different for everyone.

To say that not everyone grieves the same would be an understatement. Even if two characters are very similar, they’re going to react to loss in different ways. One person may become very angry or bitter, lashing out at the world for being unfair and cruel. Another might internalize their emotions, keeping to themselves and avoiding speaking about their grief. Yet another might throw themselves into self destructive behaviors to try and numb the pain. A fourth might commit themselves to never loving again so that they don’t ever experience a loss of this magnitude again. If the person dying suffered, your character may feel some element of relief, and they may or may not hate themselves for feeling that. One thing that is consistent about grief is that it is messy and makes people behave in ways that appear strange to an outsider. 

Only you know how your character is going to react to grief. Think about their behavior patterns and the way their life has shaped them up to this point. Think about how you and other people in your life have reacted to grief. Read or watch a wide variety of portrayals of grief and see what resonates with you.

Think about how grief affects the plot

Even if you’ve never experienced grief on the magnitude that your character is experiencing it, everyone has had an experience where something big happens in their life and the world just… continues spinning. When my beloved grandfather died, I received a call at six am to tell me the news. I could have stayed home to process my emotions, but instead I went into work at nine because I didn’t know where else to go. When I lost another beloved family member, I instantly started deep cleaning my house because I just had the sense that I needed to be doing something. This is a common reaction to grief, but another common reaction is that people need to take space and time away from the outside world. When your character is grieving, do they have to show up at work, like it or not? Do they have to get their house ready for Shiva? Do they need to care for their kids, walk the dog, and cook dinner? Do they need to plan a funeral? 

When you write a grieving character, you’re writing about the ways that they are moving through grief. This means the plot doesn’t stop. If they need days to lay in bed and cry, how does that affect the rest of the story? If they go into work the next day, why? How does that choice feel? If they can’t drop the ball on their family and household responsibilities, what are they thinking as they take out the trash and pay the water bill? Does their community show up for them or are they going at this alone? The answer to all of these questions will show you how their grief shapes the plot.

Draw from your own experiences when writing grief in fiction

Maybe you’re writing about grief because you have lost someone important to you and it’s shaped your life. Maybe that’s not the case. But every single person has experienced grief, even if it’s not the the extent that your character has. Every loss–of a person, a pet, an opportunity, a dream–comes with grief. It can be painful, but reflect on how you felt after that loss. Did it get easier with time? Did it crop up at unexpected moments? Did you find solace in humor? 

Your character will likely not respond to grief in the exact way that you do. But drawing from your own experiences–your feelings, your actions, the reactions of others–will make your portrayal of a grieving character feel more humanized and nuanced. 

Think about why you’re writing grief in fiction

In writing, the why is just as important as the how. Are you writing about grief because you have something to say about it? Because you want to explore it? Is grief a part of your character’s story because it shapes them in important ways, or is it a convenient way to humanize them? Think carefully about why you want to write about grief in fiction (you may find that your answer is very simple and that’s more than okay) before you dive in.

Do you have any other thoughts or questions about writing grief in fiction? Let us know in the comments!