How to build self trust

How to build self trust

Self trust is a complicated thing. So many people doubt themselves, live with regrets, or don’t feel they have what it takes to follow through on their goals. It can take years to build a healthy sense of self trust, and all of that trust can be destroyed in an instant if you perceive that you’ve failed, or if you experience something traumatic. 

The good news is that self trust can be intentionally built. You don’t have to sit around and wait for victories to occur so that you can trust yourself. Today, let’s talk about how to build self trust.

Build on your strengths

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Even the people who seem like they have it all together have flaws and ways in which they sometimes let themselves down. One way to build self trust is to catalog your strengths and then capitalize on them.

I have a learning disability, and when I was in school, math class was absolutely awful for me. I excelled in other subjects, but in math, I constantly felt like a failure. I struggled to do things that were simple for my peers, and it was discouraging and embarrassing. The school decided to give me extra tutoring, which was a great idea… EXCEPT they decided that in order to fit it into my schedule, I would have to miss language arts, which was where I excelled. What that meant is that instead of having one class period per day where I felt like a failure, I had two, and I didn’t get to go to the class that actually made me feel better about myself.

The result? Very low self trust. The school wasn’t building on my strengths, they were (unintentionally) emphasizing my weaknesses. Please don’t do that to yourself! 

Take a moment to reflect on your strengths. What are you good at? When I think of the things I’m good at, it tends to be things like reading, writing, cooking, and being a friend. In order to build self trust, I’ve tried to create opportunities for myself to do the things I’m good at. You’ll probably never be able to avoid your weaknesses altogether–in fact, that wouldn’t be healthy–but when you’re building on your strengths instead of focusing on your deficits, it becomes easier to trust yourself.

Break up with self doubt to build self trust

Do you struggle with self doubt? This can mean you have a hard time making decisions, that you spend a lot of time overthinking, or that after you make a choice you question yourself. One way to build self trust is to break up with self doubt. This is easier said than done, but I promise it’s possible. 

If you have to make a choice and don’t know what the “right” thing to do is, try to listen to your gut instinct. Alternatively, set a timer (or pick a date on the calendar) to give yourself a time limit to think about your options. Then you have to do the hard work of forcing yourself to make a decision. And once it’s done, you’re not allowed to question yourself. If you find yourself overthinking your decision, try to redirect your thoughts using mindfulness techniques like breathing exercises or meditation.

Breaking up with self doubt can be a long process, but if you make it an intentional practice, it will go a long way towards building self trust.

Create a challenge for yourself

The quickest way to build self trust is by following through on the promises you make yourself. A word of tough love: that’s only possible if you’re setting reasonable goals and expectations for yourself. If every day you say you’re going to wake up early, work out, eat a healthy breakfast, focus perfectly at work and blow through a mile long to-do list, clean your whole house, cook a wholesome dinner… well, you’re not setting yourself up for success there, because the odds that your day isn’t going to be 100% perfect are really high.

What’s the antidote to this? Setting small, achievable goals that you can be extremely confident you’ll hit. Say you’re a writer, but you’ve been struggling to get words on the page. Instead of telling yourself that you’re going to write an entire scene or chapter of your story, tell yourself that you’ll write for five minutes. Then, set a timer and write for those five minutes. When the timer goes off, you CAN stop writing, but you don’t have to. This way, even if you write for five minutes and thirty seconds, you’ve exceeded your goal, and that’s a point in favor of self trust.

Where does the challenge come into play? I want you to plan a week long challenge that will help you build self trust. Choose a week where you don’t have too much going on, if possible. Make a list of six small, achievable goals that you feel really confident you can accomplish. Instead of saying you’ll clean your whole house, say you’ll take out the trash. Instead of saying you’ll wake up at the crack of dawn to work out, say you’ll walk around your block. Remember, the name of the game is fulfilling your promises to yourself, not accomplishing a ton of stuff.

Each day, accomplish one goal from your list. At the end of the week, take a few minutes to journal about how you feel now that you’ve had six days of small successes. Hopefully, you’ll feel more trusting of yourself by the end of it.

Do you think these exercises will help you build self trust? Do you have other tips? Let us know in the comments below!